When You're Not Heard: Advocating for Yourself in Difficult Medical Appointments
A few months ago, I experienced a severe and unexpected anaphylactic reaction. It escalated frighteningly fast. I was rushed to A&E by ambulance and spent several hours in the resuscitation unit, being stabilised, monitored, and cared for by the incredible NHS staff. Their speed, seriousness, and compassion left me feeling deeply grateful. In the chaos of a medical emergency, I was seen for what I was: a patient in crisis.
As part of my follow-up care, I was referred for allergy testing - 18 years after my first reaction. A logical, necessary next step. But at my first appointment, something shifted. The same seriousness I had seen in A&E didn’t seem to carry over. The appointment started well. But as it unfolded, I began to feel increasingly dismissed. The clinician questioned the reality of my symptoms, even suggesting they were psychological. What should have felt like a step toward clarity and safety ended up making me feel gaslighted and unsure of what to do next.
Unfortunately, this is not a rare experience. I hear about it in therapy sessions quite often: clients seeking help, only to leave appointments feeling invalidated, blamed, or brushed off. Even in a system full of brilliant, hardworking professionals, sometimes things get missed. Communication breaks down. But when you're sitting across from a clinician, feeling frightened and vulnerable, that breakdown isn’t just a system issue—it becomes a personal one. It leaves you carrying the weight of proving you're worthy of care. And that’s not a burden you should have to bear.
So what can you do when you’re not being heard? Whether you're navigating allergy care, chronic illness, or mental health treatment, here are some tools that can help you feel more prepared and more empowered:
Prepare in Advance: Write down your symptoms, your timeline, and the questions you want answered. Bring any hospital summaries or letters. When emotions run high, it’s easy to forget the details. Notes help you stay focused—and show you’ve done your part.
Bring Someone With You: A trusted person can help you advocate when you're overwhelmed. They can ask questions, take notes, or simply be a witness. Just having someone else in the room can change the dynamic.
Use Clear, Assertive Language: Assertiveness is not aggression—it’s about being clear and direct. For example, you might say, "I’m concerned that this isn’t being taken seriously," "This symptom is affecting my daily life, and I need support," or "I’d like this to be noted in my file please."
Trust What You Know: You know your body. You know when something feels off. Just because someone else doesn’t validate that immediately doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Hold on to that.
Ask for Clarification and Next Steps: If something feels vague or incomplete, ask: “What happens next?” “What can I expect from the follow-up?” “Is there anything else I should be doing right now?” Follow up in writing if you leave feeling unsure. A short email recapping the conversation creates accountability and a paper trail.
Consider a Second Opinion: It’s not disrespectful to want a second opinion—it’s a reasonable part of taking care of yourself. If you feel dismissed, you’re allowed to ask for another clinician. You’re not being difficult, you’re being diligent.
What’s Missing in These Conversations?
We often talk about medical advocacy in practical terms—but rarely in emotional ones. Here’s what also needs to be said:
Feeling dismissed can be traumatic: It’s not “just a bad appointment.” It can leave you questioning your body, your memory, your worth. Give yourself permission to process it.
This is harder for some communities: If you’re a woman, a person of colour, neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, or living with mental health challenges, the likelihood of being dismissed increases. That’s not your fault—and you deserve equitable, respectful care.
Healing isn’t linear: Being re-traumatised in medical settings can set you back emotionally. Give yourself space to rest and recalibrate. Self-advocacy is powerful, but it’s also exhausting. You don’t have to be “on” all the time.
Final Thoughts
When I was in the resuscitation unit, everything felt aligned. I was seen, heard, and helped. But in the follow-up, when that same urgency and care weren’t there, I had to remind myself:
My health is not an inconvenience.
My voice matters - even if it shakes.
Advocating for myself isn’t a betrayal of the system—it’s a call for the care we all deserve.
If you've been through something similar, you’re not alone. And if you’re preparing for a medical appointment, I hope some of these tools offer you something steady to hold onto. You deserve to feel informed. You deserve clarity. You deserve to be taken seriously. Before your next appointment, take these tips with you—or share them with someone who needs the reminder. Everyone deserves to walk in feeling prepared, not powerless.
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and should not be interpreted as a substitute for professional advice.
