Breaking the Silence: How South Asian Culture Shapes the Experience of Abuse
Abuse in any form is deeply painful, but when it occurs within the context of South Asian culture, the silence surrounding it can often be deafening. In many South Asian communities, there is a strong cultural emphasis on family honour, respect for elders, and a reluctance to discuss personal matters outside the home. These cultural norms, while rooted in values of collectivism and loyalty, can often silence the voices of those experiencing abuse—whether physical, psychological, financial, or sexual.
The Cultural Stigma Surrounding Abuse
In many South Asian households, family honour (or izzat) is paramount. This concept plays a powerful role in how individuals and communities perceive abuse. In this cultural framework, the reputation of the family is often considered more important than the wellbeing of the individual. Victims of abuse are often made to feel that speaking out about their experiences will bring shame upon their family, affecting their social standing and relationships. Often, abuse is normalised within the family, so individuals may not even recognise that what they’re experiencing is, in fact, abuse. For many South Asians, the pressure to protect the family's honour often becomes a barrier to reporting abuse or even acknowledging it. This shame can be felt on both an individual and collective level, leading to silence. As a result, many survivors of abuse suffer in isolation, fearing rejection from their families, communities, and even religious institutions.
The Role of Gender Norms
South Asian cultures are often shaped by rigid gender norms that prescribe certain roles and behaviours for men and women. These traditional norms can further perpetuate cycles of abuse, particularly in patriarchal family structures where men hold power over women. Women, especially, are expected to be obedient, submissive, and maintain their roles as caregivers and homemakers.
In abusive relationships, this dynamic is amplified. Women are often conditioned to believe that they must endure abuse in silence to preserve the family unit. The idea of sabr (patience) is highly respected, and women are sometimes taught to accept hardship as a test of their faith or resilience. On the other hand, men who experience abuse, either from intimate partners or within their family, often face additional layers of stigma, as vulnerability is typically not encouraged in male-dominated South Asian cultures.
Transgender individuals, too, face unique and compounded challenges. The rigid gender norms that define what it means to be a man or a woman leave little room for acceptance of non-binary or gender-diverse identities. This marginalisation can result in discrimination, violence, and abuse, often in silence, as transgender individuals may fear rejection from their families, communities, and even religious institutions. The gendered expectations that underpin these cultural norms make it incredibly difficult for individuals of any gender to speak out, seek help, or leave abusive situations.
The Fear of Rejection and Isolation
One of the most significant challenges for victims of abuse within South Asian communities is the fear of rejection. In cultures that place a high value on family, community, and reputation, those who break the silence around abuse risk being ostracised. Many fear that their families will disown them, that their communities will judge them, or that they will face social and professional consequences.
This isolation can be particularly hard to bear for those who have no external support systems. It is often the case that the very people who should offer care and protection—family members—are either complicit in the abuse or too afraid of the cultural consequences to intervene.In extreme cases, the fear of shame can lead to honour-based killings, where the victim is seen as a threat to the family’s honour, resulting in violence or even death as "retribution" for perceived wrongdoing.
For survivors of abuse, this fear of rejection can lead to a cycle of shame and self-blame, further silencing their voices and delaying their ability to heal. Many people remain trapped in abusive situations, not because they don’t recognise the abuse, but because they don’t feel they have anywhere safe to turn.
The Role of Religion and Spirituality
For many South Asians, religion plays a central role in daily life. However, religious teachings and institutions can sometimes become a double-edged sword for those facing abuse. While faith can offer strength and a sense of community, certain interpretations of religious texts have been used to justify abusive behaviour or to pressure victims to stay in harmful situations.
In some cases, religious leaders may encourage victims to "forgive" their abusers, in the name of faith, or to "endure" the pain as part of a higher spiritual purpose. This can cause further confusion and distress for individuals already struggling with their sense of worth and safety.
However, it’s important to recognise that religion can also be a source of empowerment for survivors. Faith communities that promote nonviolence, equality, and justice can help victims of abuse find a voice and support. The key is to promote interpretations of religious teachings that uplift rather than oppress, and to create safe spaces where survivors can seek guidance and healing.
Breaking the Silence: A Path to Healing
While the barriers to addressing abuse in South Asian communities are significant, change is possible. Breaking the silence begins with challenging the deeply ingrained cultural taboos and starting conversations that prioritise the wellbeing of individuals over societal expectations. Here are a few ways to start:
Creating Safe Spaces for Discussion: Families, religious institutions, and community groups can all become platforms for open discussions about abuse. Encouraging honest conversations in these spaces helps normalise the topic and creates a support system for those suffering in silence.
Shifting the Narrative Around Honour: Redefining family honour to prioritise the mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing of its members, rather than reputation or appearances, can shift cultural attitudes toward abuse. Victims should be able to seek help without fear of shame.
Offering Support for All Genders: Abuse does not discriminate based on gender, and people of all genders can experience abuse in South Asian communities. Everyone deserves the support needed to break free from these cycles. Encouraging individuals of all genders to speak up about abuse and providing them with resources can help challenge the stigma that surrounds victims, no matter their identity.
Empowering Survivors through Education and Resources: By providing information about available resources, legal options, and psychological services, we can empower survivors to take control of their lives. Education about abuse, its effects, and legal rights is crucial to breaking the cycle of silence.
Building Stronger Networks of Support: As South Asian communities evolve, creating stronger networks of support for survivors of abuse—both within and outside the family—will be key. These networks can offer emotional, financial, and practical assistance, providing survivors with the strength to move forward.
The experience of abuse within South Asian communities is shaped by a web of cultural, familial, and societal factors that often silence victims. However, breaking the silence is possible—and necessary. It starts with acknowledging that abuse exists, recognising its impact, and creating safe spaces for survivors to seek help without fear of judgment or isolation.
By challenging cultural taboos and encouraging open conversations about abuse, we can build a future where South Asian individuals—of all genders—can heal, thrive, and live free from harm. It’s time to break the silence and make room for healing.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please don’t stay silent. Reach out to the free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline at 0808 2000 247. You are not alone—support is available, and your voice matters.
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and should not be interpreted as a substitute for professional advice.
